In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman gives us the steps necessary to overcome gridlock in our marriages. This is a fantastic book that I would recommend everyone read. Here is what he tells us:
The goal in ending gridlock is not to solve the problem but rather to move from gridlock to dialogue. It's important to learn how to speak with each other and not hurt each other. Happy couples learn to incorporate each others goals and dreams into their marriages. They give each other an understanding of their heart and work toward compromise.
1. First you must define your minimal core value that you cannot yield on.
2. Second you must define the areas of flexibility.
3. Then you devise a temporary compromise that honors both of your dreams.
4. Work on this for a set amount of time, decide if it's working and rework if necessary.
When we recognize our differences and realize that they will always be with us we understand how important it is to learn to not only accept them but to celebrate them if we can.
Gridlock is not always easy to overcome and may take some time to work through but we need to be diligent and be willing to accept each other's viewpoint without judgement. Finally we need to count our blessings, find thanksgiving and express gratitude for all we have.
We need to be patient and be committed, with faith, to move through our differences to find joy and love in our relationships.
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