Don't be an Outlaw!

5 things every parent-in law should avoid


1. Giving advice

2. Criticizing

3. Pinning down children for missing family events

4.  Criticizing or taking over disciplining grandchildren

5.  Trying to control everyone and everything

Well, how do you stack up?  Do you see any of these things you need to work on?  I know I do.  It's hard when you've been a mom all your life to just let things go.  It's been your job to see that things are done right.  Now I want to make it my job to enjoy life and have some fun with those grandchildren.

May 2016 be a year of more fun and less fussing at Nana's house.  

                 

  

Family Council

 Family councils can keep our families organized and on the same page.  They help us shape our values and implement plans into our families that bring peace and contentment to our lives.  They help us come to a consensus on what is best for our family as a whole.

How to hold a family council.

Be thinking about the concerns and ideas that need to be addressed in your family.  These can be made into an agenda.  A formal agenda isn't necessary but it's good to give everyone a heads up so they have an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings.

Choose a regular time and place.  Let the family know when and where that is.

Express love for each other.

Open the meeting with a prayer and invite the spirit to be with all that are there.

Bring up items to be discussed.  Give everyone a time to voice their opinions.  Encourage others to listen while one speaks at a time.

Keep the discussion going until a consensus is reached.

Make the plan to move forward with the item.  Be specific in what you'll do.

Close with a prayer and blessing on the refreshments.

End with some refreshments to cement together the feeling of unity that you've just shared.

Follow up on what you said you'd do.

Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage

Thy Twain Shall Be One

Husbands spend time with your wives.  How wonderful it is when a husband and wife can dream together.  Love and cherish every moment you can spend together.  Choose hobbies you can both enjoy and grow old doing them. 

Husbands, please put your wives first.  The way you speak to her and the things you speak to her about help her know she is important to you.   Wives look forward to their husbands returning home from work, especially when the children are young, and want to feel like their husbands are glad to see them.  Both may be tired but it is important to be kind and loving.  

Husbands, ask how her day went.  Let her know you care about the things that have gone on in her life that day.  Most wives love a hug and a kiss.  Sincerely complement your wife for the things she has done.  It is so satisfying to snuggle on the couch at the end of a long day, even if it is to share the news or a show you pick together.  You might be surprised to find out that your wife actually likes football!  

Romance your wife.  For me this doesn't have anything to do with gifts.  Let your kiss linger a little longer than usual.  Touch the back of my neck when we are sitting together.  Take my hand as we walk into the grocery store together.  Give me the "I love you" symbol when I look over at you in the temple.  I promise you it will be worth it.  

Wives, always look for the good in your husband.  Focusing on all the good helps us to want to improve and nurture our relationships and improve intimacy in our marriages.  Learn your husbands love language and show him you love him by doing what he like. 

Take the time to learn about his interests and take some interest in them yourself.  You might be surprised to learn you like some new things.  Focus more on what your husband does right than what he does wrong.  While many of us see our husband's job as something he gets to do every day, they may see it some days as something they have to do  to support the family.  Show appreciation for what they go off and do every day.     

Marriage is so much more fulfilling when the husband treats his wife as a queen and the wife treats her husband as a king.  

Fathers Matter in a Marriage

Marriage increases the likelihood that fathers have good relationships with their children.  

Single mothers report more conflict and less monitoring of their children than do married mothers.

Children need to have a father in their lives and in their homes!  It does matter.

65% of children with parents that divorced had poor relationships with their fathers.  This is compared to 29% from non-divorced families.

Children need to see their fathers and have daily affectionate relationships with them.

Professor David Eggebeen of Penn State University says, "The evidence is in and it is clear that fathers do matter for the lives of children.  Hundreds of studies over the last two decades have shown a measurable impact on their children."

The harmful effects of fatherlessness have been well documented.

Fathers, your children need you!  

Overcoming Gridlock

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman gives us the steps necessary to overcome gridlock in our marriages.  This is a fantastic book that I would recommend everyone read.  Here is what he tells us:

The goal in ending gridlock is not to solve the problem but rather to move from gridlock to dialogue.  It's important to learn how to speak with each other and not hurt each other.  Happy couples learn to incorporate each others goals and dreams into their marriages.  They give each other an understanding of their heart and work toward compromise.

1.  First you must define your minimal core value that you cannot yield on.

2.  Second you must define the areas of flexibility.

3.  Then you devise a temporary compromise that honors both of your dreams.

4.  Work on this for a set amount of time, decide if it's working and rework if necessary.

When we recognize our differences and realize that they will always be with us we understand how important it is to learn to not only accept them but to celebrate them if we can.

Gridlock is not always easy to overcome and may take some time to work through but we need to be diligent and be willing to accept each other's viewpoint without judgement.  Finally we need to count our blessings, find thanksgiving and express gratitude for all we have.

We need to be patient and be committed, with faith, to move through our differences to find joy and love in our relationships.

Enduring Love

There is nothing in God's work I will ever do that will be more important than blessing my covenant partner.  Goddard, H. Wallace, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage

Beware of Pride

Just when you think you have this marriage thing down pride rears its ugly head.  Most of us don't think it is a problem we have, but can see it in the  people around us.  Even our spouses.  President Benson gives us some council about not letting pride enter our lives.

The Book of Mormon is a record of a fallen people.  Why did they fall?  Pride.  In Latter day scripture we are told "Beware of pride lest ye become as the Nephites of old."  D & C 38:39.  Pride took down Lucifer when he asked that the glory be his in the premortal council.  We are also told that the proud will burn as stubble at the end of the world.  In our time both Oliver Cowdery and Emma Smith, wife of the prophet, were warned to beware of pride.

Interestingly enough, President Benson tells us that pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance.  Most of us think of pride as self centeredness, conceit, boastfulness or arrogance.  The heart of pride is enmity.  Hostility to God and to our fellow men.  Pride pits our will against God's.  The proud can not accepts the authority of God giving them direction in their lives.

C. S. Lewis tells us, "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man."  Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride along with contention.  It is contention in our families and marriages that drives the spirit away.  Pride affects our relationships with God, our spouse, our children and all mankind.

We can't afford to let pride into our homes and our marriages.  So what is the antidote of pride?  Humility.  When we humble ourselves we choose to be forgiving, to receive council, to give service and to love God and accept his will.

God wants us to be a loving people.  He wants us to have strong families and marriages so that His plan will roll forth.  He wants us to fulfill our divine destiny.